Being A Bully – By Holly
Problems at home? With your mum; with your dad?
Maybe your siblings belittle you,
and not in the way normal siblings behave:
because when they say that mum and dad don’t love you — they actually mean it, don’t they?
Someone spits at you—venom lacing each word that falls from their mouth.
Someone makes you feel small and worthless.
And hey, maybe that someone is you.
You are so insecure that you have to make a laughing stock of others just to feel good about yourself.
That is cowardly.
Bringing someone else down is the easy way out.
You don’t like it when it gets complicated because your brain isn’t quite capable enough of understanding that is the way the world works.
Things are supposed to be hard and challenging so that when you overcome them,
you feel good about yourself.
When you get home,
you probably have a drink and talk with friends,
and stab all your other friends in the back whilst you’re at it. It’s when you go to bed though, isn’t it?
That’s when those horrible thoughts attack.
You can’t talk about them with your family because there’s already too much going on with them.
You can’t talk about these thoughts with your friends because that’d make you different.
They don’t suffer from mental illnesses;
they won’t understand.
They’ll leave you behind if you tell them.
So you bottle it up,
push it all down until you feel numb.
For a moment,
You are free.
But then suddenly you’re angry at yourself because you know you’re incapable of handling these kinds of feelings.
It all comes crashing down in mere seconds.
You’re left there on your knees,
crying on your cold bedroom floor,
wallowing in your own self-pity.
And the next day at school,
you take it all out on me.
You mention every one of my flaws to make yourself feel better about your own.
What is it with you, anyway?
Honestly, I’d really like to know.
I don’t see anything wrong with you,
not from where I’m standing.
Just a poor attitude when it comes to coping mechanisms.
Is it your hair?
Too greasy perhaps — no matter how many times you wash it? Or is it too dry?
What about your nose or the shape of your face?
Is it that your fingers are too short, or maybe too long?
How about your weight?
Do you feel that possibly you’re not skinny enough?
Maybe not as curvy or as thick as you’d like to be?
And your teeth?
Do you feel they’re too yellow, or not straight enough?
Maybe you feel as though you’re talentless,
and that there’s nothing out there for you.
Hey, maybe you’re even threatened by my capabilities and wish you were more like me.
Or is it you?
Just you as an entirety?
See, I don’t mean to be mean,
I just want to know what it is so that I can help you.
Do you get angry at yourself for being mean to others,
and then blame your victims for being so goddamn easy to pick on?
Well, I apologise for making such a great target,
but if you expect me to apologise for not being brought up like you,
then you’ve got another thing coming.
I can put myself in your shoes,
and I can see through your eyes what it’s like — to bring someone down.
It feels good, I get that:
gives you a sense of power and control.
You assert dominance,
and now this person follows your every command.
What could be greater than that?
But where I begin to struggle is,
what do you gain from this?
Putting someone else down to lift yourself up doesn’t higher your self-esteem.
The hole you’ve put yourself in is getting deeper and deeper with every negative comment you produce.
You’re not actually that clever because you’ve managed to make this person afraid.
Like I said earlier,
It won’t get you anywhere.
People will see this and think that is who you really are,
and the respect they once had for you will disappear within seconds.
They’ll leave you.
You’ll be all on your own.
All because these stupid emotions have mashed together in your head and they make you feel dizzy and confused.
It hurts you,
and in return,
you hurt the people around you.
it’s easy to act like a bad person and then sit back and say,
‘I’m just a bad person.’
It takes balls to grow up and accept that it’s helping others that’ll get you places.